soda springs

[mikebauer]

nope, because this one gets a lot of reading and a lot of good responses to it from several kinds of reader. it's ok with punk and with old writers, and people read it as a song and like the ending: it works for them. i'm thinking you're not ready for a song-poetry yet, because you're so serious about saying what's what, and i can't really see how i'd change this to work for you...

his body iz like a fuckable thing,
and i look at it in the moonlight
and his prick is a little ghost
and casper is sukking it.

something like that... and, there's just no need.

i don't need you to tell me you don't think it's as good as it could be, i need you to show me the actual direction it's supposed to go to work for you. if you really get the poem, re-write it in your own voice. that's the honest and poet thing to do for another poet. but, remember, lots of people think poetry is just saying shit to say shit, and when they get to know what's what they read it for what it is. that's why i think this is too trippy -- that you're not finding the language i wrote this in.

it's not for you. i think that's the truth in this -- that it's too trippy for you. there's nothing i can do about that except turn you on to words.

come on mike. isn't that a cop out. if it's not for me i'm capable of making my own mind up. i already said i really enjoyed it. i just don't think it as good as it could be. it's irrelevant how you see me taking it. and you don't have to change it. a critique is just that. a comment is just that. it isn't a plea to be educated. as for too trippy, if anything , in places it's too obvious. (i'm saying in some, A stanza; it isn't obvious enough) i'm not asking you to change it just pointing out my take. a take only i can comprehend. and believe me, if i thought it were too trippy i'd say so, i'd say "this is too trippy for me as the reader. but i haven't.
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