mighty shy muse (edit)
#2
(07-02-2017, 04:16 AM)vagabond Wrote:  mighty shy muse
 

lausy little underweight muse                                                           Typo - Lousy?
feral furry creature of blues
come, cutie, I´m too obtuse
 
sticky sentences disrupted
picky issues well neglected
icky words again retracted
 
trembling you tend to the dark                                                         I would omit 'to' here
my stories are short-lived like sparks                                                Since you're going alot of rhyme, perhaps go for "My short-lived stories are like a spark"
at least obvious lies you´ll distort 
 
send us Thorn to fly astray,                                                           What do you mean with 'Send us thorn'?
bend and burn the rules away                                                       
mend the dreams, let chaos reign
 
freedom moves never in marches.                                                 Swapping 'never' with 'moves' makes for a more logical order of words
dragons? not for those who fear torches…                             
again, your voice faded, I´m searching.                                         The voice of freedom?
 
 
 

 
mainly I hope for interpretations, responses wether and what kind of meaning can be drawn from this, but any type of comment is appreciated including harsh critique, pointing out embarrassing spelling or grammar errors, jokes, deviations from topic and surreal associations.
Interesting Poem, Vaga. To me, it describes the love/hate relationship with that of a muse. It gives you short sparks of imagination and almost brilliant ideas, but as soon as you want to write them down, they fade away. Once they've faded, you'll spend a period chasing the echoes and salvaging the small remains.

Thanks for sharing this, Vaga!
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Messages In This Thread
mighty shy muse (edit) - by vagabond - 07-02-2017, 04:16 AM
RE: mighty shy muse - by The Four-Eyed Cat - 07-02-2017, 04:34 AM
RE: mighty shy muse - by vagabond - 07-02-2017, 04:41 AM
RE: mighty shy muse - by just mercedes - 07-02-2017, 11:54 AM
RE: mighty shy muse - by vagabond - 07-02-2017, 08:57 PM
RE: mighty shy muse - by nibbed - 07-02-2017, 02:52 PM



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