07-02-2017, 04:34 AM
(07-02-2017, 04:16 AM)vagabond Wrote: mighty shy museInteresting Poem, Vaga. To me, it describes the love/hate relationship with that of a muse. It gives you short sparks of imagination and almost brilliant ideas, but as soon as you want to write them down, they fade away. Once they've faded, you'll spend a period chasing the echoes and salvaging the small remains.
lausy little underweight muse Typo - Lousy?
feral furry creature of blues
come, cutie, I´m too obtuse
sticky sentences disrupted
picky issues well neglected
icky words again retracted
trembling you tend to the dark I would omit 'to' here
my stories are short-lived like sparks Since you're going alot of rhyme, perhaps go for "My short-lived stories are like a spark"
at least obvious lies you´ll distort
send us Thorn to fly astray, What do you mean with 'Send us thorn'?
bend and burn the rules away
mend the dreams, let chaos reign
freedom moves never in marches. Swapping 'never' with 'moves' makes for a more logical order of words
dragons? not for those who fear torches…
again, your voice faded, I´m searching. The voice of freedom?
Thanks for sharing this, Vaga!

