06-28-2017, 07:16 AM
I've decided to drop both direct references for Daedalus and Icarus as they unjustly hold the attention of the poem.
That being said, here's the first edit.
A prince of the sky;
Self-proclaimed.
Soaring through the heavens,
a celestial throne.
No contempt for balance,
When goals are in reach.
A middle ground in air,
Was hard to be found
and had resulted in
a grieving father.
Who witnessed light falling,
with tears of melted wax.
A crashing yellow sun
kissing a blue heaven farewell,
birthing green pastures below,
where sheep merrily roam,
confined like dreams.
On another note, if a mod could please swap this to either basic or moderate critique for workshopping (whichever thread would be better), i'd greatly appreciate it. I would love to get some feedback on how i could better myself with freeverse.
That being said, here's the first edit.
A prince of the sky;
Self-proclaimed.
Soaring through the heavens,
a celestial throne.
No contempt for balance,
When goals are in reach.
A middle ground in air,
Was hard to be found
and had resulted in
a grieving father.
Who witnessed light falling,
with tears of melted wax.
A crashing yellow sun
kissing a blue heaven farewell,
birthing green pastures below,
where sheep merrily roam,
confined like dreams.
On another note, if a mod could please swap this to either basic or moderate critique for workshopping (whichever thread would be better), i'd greatly appreciate it. I would love to get some feedback on how i could better myself with freeverse.