06-22-2017, 07:57 PM
This is beautiful! When I read it, it really pulls me in and I feel like I'm travelling along with him/her. (In my mind the speaker is a woman.) I'll leave a few comments and suggestions below. Otherwise, I think it's perfect. Thanks for sharing!
(06-22-2017, 07:27 AM)The Four-Eyed Cat Wrote: Remind me of the sea that kisses the coast of Algiers, I love "kisses the coast", it really conveys the lapping of waves on the shore.
Where the tides are soft and the winds all but fierce.
In that country past the strait of Gibraltar,
where the trip to Casablanca didn’t halt her.
Taking that plane past the eye of the Mediterranean Sea,
to the cheek of the Atlas Mountains in Jbel Ayachi.
Tell me again, what you called the world’s left brow,
I believe it was either Kiev, or the city of Moscow.
You journeyed on to the scarred eye of the Aral Sea,
where only sand was left to remind you of former glory.
Greeted eastward by the buildings of Ashgabat,
which had a shade of white quite akin to that Masqat.
There in Florence, where we visited the Sistine,
telling me you would soon be leaving for Argentine.
Abruptly you went from the Chilean hills of Santiago,
to the concrete spires of New York and Chicago. Spires here fits well for me.
Was it there that you heard an oriental song?
A melody you chased all the way to Hong Kong?
Though I might’ve confused myself with Singapore.
I’m quite certain it was either that, or Kuala Lumpur.
Fondly I think of our first kiss in the vineyards of Roubaix,
reminiscing me how strongly I miss your warm embrace. Maybe "reminiscent of" instead of "reminiscing me"?
Making me hope that you’ll snap free of your peregrine, Love your use of Peregrine.
for I will patiently wait for you at gates of Berlin. Lovely rhyme here.