Souvenirs

[Waneerie]

SOUVENIRS

Beyond my flat's double glazed glass,
I see a hazy midday scene:
Flocks of tourists napping in grass,       - To give off the same stillness vibe, what about "lain on grass", or is "in grass" intended in a way I
The slow and subtle spread of shade,    couldn't get?
Tall men with their sub-legal trade,       -  I'm among those who didn't get this!
And on trees the emerging green.         - To improve the rhythm what about "over the trees emerging green?" for some reason that "and"
                                                                      ruins the flow of images to me
I look with greater focus now,
Upon this fading midday scene,
As I begin to notice how
The spring cement's obscurity
Heightens the plumb logs purity,          - Couldn't get this one either
Showing a forest that had been.

When I am archaic yet wise,                   - I really like this for reasons I'll explain below
I will still see this midday scene,
But never again through live eyes;
Never at all with the power
To sweeten a youth gone sour.         - Brilliant juxtaposition and rhyme
Too much to take in at eighteen.       - As simple as poignant

I might be very much mistaken, but (also influenced by its title) I supposed the focus of the poem was on how one can remember vividly details, sometimes even trivial ones, yet it all wans compared to what young eyes (or senses more broadly) can perceive.
I thought the whole picture, but a photography of a random (lazy perhaps) afternoon, burnt into one's memory, along with its slow descent into evening, was to be given a meaning by the last sentence, where I might have imagined even more things: archaic yet wise seems to me as a mockery of old age, perhaps such sourness comes from regret? The last two verses also strengthened the feeling that it all was just a memory of a past day, impressed in one's memory and made to look much more precious, only because it's gone, and it had been seen with live, young eyes.

In light of this, I didn't think much of the cryptic plumb logs or the sub-legal trade men, since I thought they were part of a postcard (a city afternoon, with tourists laying down, businesspeople going about their, well, business and the rest of a city's layout) whose importance is what memory bestows, as long as prospective wistfulness.

My apologies in case I misinterpreted it, except for those small suggestions, very nicely done!