Held by the Wind

[nibbed]

Held by The Wind

I.

I was broken that day, 
so You made
a beautiful storm;     … I was broken the day/ you sent the storm
I ran and stood
in the middle of the street
like some crazy woman
who just doesn't care anymore    this line and the one above are a little superficial and distracting from the subject´s feelings 
near where some other houses
weren't built yet,
and where others
could easily see,       don´t get why the houses or being seen are important
hoping You'd lift me up
into the safety of your whirlwind,
pull me into where You were;               maybe just “pull me near you”
You kissed me,
moved me with Your lovely swirling power,       too lovely for my taste BUT that´s irrelevant
in a softened, perfected blend of watercolour:
billowing greys, oranges, and blues.

II.

Gently nudged, in warm pushes 
and cool gusts, lifting silk,
you waltzed my dandling frou-frou   somehow can´t fit the frou-frou and all into the poem
fluffing shirttail and collar,
caressing my eyelids,
that kiss I'd always dreamed;
you fingertipped
my face and brow,
then held me close
and whispered in thunders,
"It will be okay, kid";
You knew I was growing,     I´d erase the comma
open to revelation,
learning simplicity's secret
and the terrible cost of this war;               which war? which cost?
so You came down that day,
hearing my whimpers
of loathesome lonelies,
showing just a small part of Yourself,          
one I could manage,                             
one I could handle, -----   a repetition of the previous line. maybe just write “one I could manage,/  being too tiny for all of you” and then omitt the last three lines.
because I am so tiny               
and You are so great.

III.

I want another gentle storm,
more kisses, another chance
You'll lift me away in Your whirlwind                 another chance/  to be carried away in your…
like You almost did that day
in the crumbling parking lot
next to The Henry Ford
when I wanted to die, crawl, but instead               I´d leave “wanted to die” out: “when I wanted to lay down/ but instead, you had me stand”
You had me stand,
press against Your mighty wind,       “lean into your majestical wind” and omit the following 2 lines?
lean into the majesty
of all power,
"go ahead, fall forward", You said,       “try to fall, you won´t” or something
but I didn't                                             i´d try to get the last 4 lines shorter, something like “and I didn´t/  cause I could trust you to hold me”
and You knew I wouldn't,
because You held me there
with Your two big hands, gently.   

IV.

Make me another storm,                 
reassure me that I'm yours,
call me to that place
where You'll be;
I'll stand shoeless                 barefoot?
on Your Holy ground
held,                           that line I´d leave out
forever acceptable,               accepted instead of acceptable?
forever enough:
make me a storm,
just so I know I'm okay,
just so I know
I can make another day.      

I like the story you tell, it could be a little more condensed in my opinion. made far too many suggestions.. just ideas.

Thank you so much vagabond. I will go over and over every bit of what you said/suggested.
Thank you for considering my poem.

janine