06-21-2017, 12:07 PM
Hey Todd,
No worries. I like this revision a lot. After reading what you and Lizzie said, the poem makes a lot more sense. I don't know how I missed it, considering the title. Keeping that in mind, I would suggest going back to "the smell of bricks" in the first stanza. I think that works the best of three images you used throughout your revisions. I thought about doing another full critique of it, but this poem is such a strong piece, I don't think I would have any useful suggestions at this point.
Cheers,
Richard
No worries. I like this revision a lot. After reading what you and Lizzie said, the poem makes a lot more sense. I don't know how I missed it, considering the title. Keeping that in mind, I would suggest going back to "the smell of bricks" in the first stanza. I think that works the best of three images you used throughout your revisions. I thought about doing another full critique of it, but this poem is such a strong piece, I don't think I would have any useful suggestions at this point.
Cheers,
Richard
Time is the best editor.