The Door (Complete Revised Edit)

[Flowerchild1093]

Hello Todd!
Thank you, that makes perfect sense to me. I'm new to all of this, I've been writing for years but I don't share much and have never received much feedback that was anything more than the norm. (How nice, pretty, etc) I'm eager to become more involved here and hopefully improve my skills to help myself and others. I appreciate your advice and will see what I come up with. ?

Hello Todd!
Thank you for your comments! Perhaps if I were to explain the ideas that I'm trying to convey through each stanza, I could receive some comments on where to take the piece. Is that something that would be okay to do?

In general, it's better to get a few more critiques before you go too far into an explanation. You run the risk of having people read the explanation and then not knowing if the poem actually conveyed those qualities or if it was given to them from a second source.

I don't believe though that your problem is clarity. I think you hint at the issues leading the person to the decision. I also think when you get into ideas like purity or dirt you often are implying something sexual. If this were mine the next exercise I would try would be okay I say pain here. How can I show that with an image, and so on. I would then try to see if there was a common extended metaphor or image I could tie them together with. Using the one image you start with--what if the record gets scratched? I'd just consider playing around in that way and see if you like what you come up with.

Just my thoughts. I only warn you not because you can't do something but because you might hurt the process you've started and rob yourself of untainted feedback.

Best,

Todd