06-20-2017, 09:30 PM
Hiya vagabond,
I think this is a really powerful piece, which gets more so as it progresses. The imagery of "burrowing" into the "rotten meat" of compromise is really striking, as is the idea of the ghosts of lost dreams "plaguing" a couple.
My criticism would be that, compared with the really vivid images from "feathers fall out" onwards, the beginning of the poem is a bit... bland? There isn't much colour there - it might be worth having either a shorter, punchier opening, or one which appeals more to the senses.
Thanks for sharing.
Joe
I think this is a really powerful piece, which gets more so as it progresses. The imagery of "burrowing" into the "rotten meat" of compromise is really striking, as is the idea of the ghosts of lost dreams "plaguing" a couple.
My criticism would be that, compared with the really vivid images from "feathers fall out" onwards, the beginning of the poem is a bit... bland? There isn't much colour there - it might be worth having either a shorter, punchier opening, or one which appeals more to the senses.
Thanks for sharing.
Joe