06-19-2017, 09:05 PM
Hi all! Thanks alot for the kind remarks and good feedback!
Through anthropomorphia i tried to sketch off certain characters that we all know in real life.
Such as the person that everyone generally thinks is a douchebag, but is kind when you get to know him such as the snow (which was the other lost friend), the silent person, who generally doesn't speak much, yet is always there to support you and whose presence is always appreciated (light) and so on.
Thank you for your thorough feedback, you've certainly given me some great pointers that i'll use to improve this poem!
(06-14-2017, 03:38 AM)67eager Wrote: ...but could also (I know this is a stretch) be talking about the consequences which war has on the innocent and the vulnerable (here exemplified as the flower).Close! The main idea isn't far off from what you guessed, though. In this poem, i tried to picture how disputes and quarell can effect third parties, to a certain extent that you might even lose those loved ones. War would actually be the same thing, as civilians could be seen as a third party (From a much broader perspective).
Through anthropomorphia i tried to sketch off certain characters that we all know in real life.
Such as the person that everyone generally thinks is a douchebag, but is kind when you get to know him such as the snow (which was the other lost friend), the silent person, who generally doesn't speak much, yet is always there to support you and whose presence is always appreciated (light) and so on.
Thank you for your thorough feedback, you've certainly given me some great pointers that i'll use to improve this poem!
(06-19-2017, 11:44 AM)Richard Wrote: I found that the last two lines in this stanza made the light sound cold. Was that your intention?Thanks for replying, Richard, Eager and Szczepan!
Just silent and timid (Cowering behind the clouds every now and then). A person doesn't have to talk much in order to be friendly and kind.
I'm assuming the "he" is the flower again. How can a flower be kind? Or how can a flower be kind to the snow? I feel like this idea needs to be explored more.
Here i'm refering to the snow - A fun fact is that a blanket of snow can help insulate plantlife against cold!
I am a bit confused here. What is the snow responding to? The tranquility? The wild stories? This needs to be clarified.
Is the repetition of "response" intentional? I don't quite understand its importance.
To the story, the repitition of 'response' wasn't intentional and i'll definitely get rid of that! Generally, i tried to convey that a fight erupted.
-Why is the wind searching for the flower? Doesn't it know the flower is dead?
At that moment it didn't know yet, or simply didn't want to know yet. One of the stages of mourning is denial, after all.
Stylistically, I like the repetition of these images. I just don't see the significance of the cobblestone bridges. I could be missing something though. It wouldn't be the first time.
When I think of an alpine/swiss landscape, there's always a cobblestone bridge hidden somewhere in that imagery


). A person doesn't have to talk much in order to be friendly and kind.