06-18-2017, 10:35 AM
Hi Richard. Your poem is interesting. I would like to critique. Thank you kindly for the read.
For a Radical, Long Dead
I
My dear dead poet, to me, the word dear implies sympathy
you would be more important
if you were
an ancient red vase. this was intriquing and begged study about red vases.
Then people would ponder your cracks,
debate the significance of your colour,
and label you an artifact.
II
You chose the losing side. what is the losing side?
So now, on dusty shelves,
in boxes at garage sales,
next to cookbooks at thrift stores,
your verse sleeps.
A second death, do poets long to be recognized, or desire release of expression?
the worse way time can punish a person.
III
Oh capital, there's been a change in teh theme of the poem, or I'm not catching on.
he would think you the new devil, does capital tie into the red vase? does the poet seek profit?
pricing souls and convincing others
of your necessity.
Oh capital,
the victor of a war,
long lost.
Oh capital,
invisible monster
that chased me from my home. Isn't home really heaven?
I googled red vase. I have been googling the simplest phrases while reading poetry, because many times I am ignorant to current events and many poets draw passion from current events. When I googled, I surf-drifted into a video about ancient red vases from Greece. Artists would paint stories on them. They became a sort of canvas for painting. The clay used in Greece, when fired, became brick red in colour. The only color glaze available was black and so the images appeared as reverse shadows (light), telling stories, usually about legendary characters or epic battles. I wondered if that was somehow involved in your poem. The poet being like pottery, in that he/she is only clay, that sometimes must be fired to really reveal the quality of their art? But then capital, is where I was confused and wondered how it all tied in, it certainly seemed very negative.
Thank you kindly for the read and lesson. I truly hope you have a blessed evening! janine
For a Radical, Long Dead
I
My dear dead poet, to me, the word dear implies sympathy
you would be more important
if you were
an ancient red vase. this was intriquing and begged study about red vases.
Then people would ponder your cracks,
debate the significance of your colour,
and label you an artifact.
II
You chose the losing side. what is the losing side?
So now, on dusty shelves,
in boxes at garage sales,
next to cookbooks at thrift stores,
your verse sleeps.
A second death, do poets long to be recognized, or desire release of expression?
the worse way time can punish a person.
III
Oh capital, there's been a change in teh theme of the poem, or I'm not catching on.
he would think you the new devil, does capital tie into the red vase? does the poet seek profit?
pricing souls and convincing others
of your necessity.
Oh capital,
the victor of a war,
long lost.
Oh capital,
invisible monster
that chased me from my home. Isn't home really heaven?
I googled red vase. I have been googling the simplest phrases while reading poetry, because many times I am ignorant to current events and many poets draw passion from current events. When I googled, I surf-drifted into a video about ancient red vases from Greece. Artists would paint stories on them. They became a sort of canvas for painting. The clay used in Greece, when fired, became brick red in colour. The only color glaze available was black and so the images appeared as reverse shadows (light), telling stories, usually about legendary characters or epic battles. I wondered if that was somehow involved in your poem. The poet being like pottery, in that he/she is only clay, that sometimes must be fired to really reveal the quality of their art? But then capital, is where I was confused and wondered how it all tied in, it certainly seemed very negative.
Thank you kindly for the read and lesson. I truly hope you have a blessed evening! janine
there's always a better reason to love