Jinni
#7
(06-13-2017, 03:56 AM)Lizzie Wrote:  The Jinni asks: how do you wish ..good line break
to die? It's the gift of choice and knowledge, ... maybe 'a gift'
release from the thickening suspense.


Do you want to die quick  ...the questions all underwhelming and prosey
like the lightning-crack of dynamite 
or asteroid impact? ....there's a clunkiness to these lines that I can't quite place - maybe it's the predictable "or", maybe it's the overused hyphen in the line above. Asteroid impacts are extremely rare events on a terrestrial scale, so the example is confusing. But more pertinently, an asteroid impact is by definition anything but lightning quick - the speed of a falling asteroid has been calculated at ~40 km/sec, while light travels at 300,000 km/sec!
Do you want your body to remain
intact in hope of resurrection— ....I'd use 'afterlife'. The Christian belief in resurrection doesn't require the body to be preserved.
maybe heart attack or Anthrax? ...too verbose, and the examples don't stand out. Why anthrax? It causes necrosis, doesn't it? But more pertinently, too many words.
Do you want the fame you didn't have
in life, a death for the Guinness books
and a story gone viral? .....An overuse of 'Do you'

Do you want your death to dress
your story in white, bookends of goodness, ...nice line 
cloaking your putrid life ...I'm lost here, because you seem to have moved from 'how do you wish to die' to 'how should it be after you're dead'
in fragrant funeral sheets?
The Jinni can grant you absolution:

save a Hybrid full of babies
from a Humvee full of pedophiles
with twisted, pointy mustaches
slicked slimy with trans-fatty fry grease.

The Jinni is an ifrit—
it can make things happen.

Some people choose to simply
fall asleep;
they take a breath,
then exhale.


Most fall into silence, hoping
that the Jinni is the one who decides 
whether dying must always result in death. ... confusing
~ I think I just quoted myself - Achebe
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Messages In This Thread
Jinni - by Lizzie - 06-13-2017, 03:56 AM
RE: Jinni - by vagabond - 06-13-2017, 09:25 AM
RE: Jinni - by Lizzie - 06-13-2017, 09:31 AM
RE: Jinni - by Richard - 06-13-2017, 12:14 PM
RE: Jinni - by Lizzie - 06-16-2017, 08:12 AM
RE: Jinni - by nibbed - 06-13-2017, 01:09 PM
RE: Jinni - by Achebe - 06-17-2017, 05:42 PM
RE: Jinni - by Donald Q. - 06-18-2017, 07:10 AM
RE: Jinni - by tectak - 06-20-2017, 11:42 PM
RE: Jinni - by vagabond - 06-21-2017, 03:20 AM
RE: Jinni - by tectak - 06-21-2017, 03:54 AM
RE: Jinni - by Lizzie - 06-21-2017, 02:48 AM
RE: Jinni - by Todd - 06-21-2017, 04:32 AM
RE: Jinni - by CRNDLSM - 07-09-2017, 11:49 PM
RE: Jinni - by Todd - 07-10-2017, 04:34 AM
RE: Jinni - by Lizzie - 07-11-2017, 09:28 AM



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