06-17-2017, 06:06 AM
(06-14-2017, 01:59 AM)The Four-Eyed Cat Wrote: As the light breaks through the mountain ridges,Very nice poem in general. Thanks for sharing.
it touches upon pastures and cobblestone bridges. <<< "upon" superfluous?
On top of the summit, tall it would tower, <<< not sure what "it" is yet / or is it the light? guess I am dense. / yeah by reading the end o.k. so it ties together ...good!
there where once bloomed a lovely flower.
He had no kin of his own, for those were with the trees down below.
Solely accompanied by the light, wind, and the snow.
The light didn’t engage in conversation and was rather taciturn, <<< too unwieldy perhaps? Maybe cut out "rather" and rearrange somehow?
save it for a morning greeting, and a moonlit return.
The snow would often mutter and grind,
but unlike the trees would think, he was warm and kind.
The most loquacious of them all, was without a doubt the wind;
which told stories so wild, the flower couldn’t have ever imagined.
Thus their lives were composed of tranquility and bliss,
until one day however, something was quite amiss.
When the snow croaked out a response to which the wind did not take heart.
Enraged, he stormed so strong it could sunder even the trees below apart.
In response the snow started to rumble and tear,
the avalanche dragging the flower down, in utter despair.
After the wind bore witness to the passing of her friend,
Tears of bitter grief would violently descend.
The rain would melt the snow, and the clouds would block out the light; <<< the rain melted snow and the clouds blocked (out) the light ... to shorten?
a thundering roar would erupt as a result of her now lonesome fright.
There in the mountains, where the wind still howls out in search:
"Dear trees, have you perhaps seen my flower, and what of the snow?"
"I think the flower got lost in that fateful storm, said the birch."
"And your other friend", spoke the oak, "was drowned in your sorrow". (i know this line is a bit quirky) << nope! not to me.
The wind could not help but continue to grief,
but fortunately the light was there to console and relief.
As the light pierced through her clouds on the mountain ridges,
Upon those now distant pastures and cobblestone bridges.
Please check the disable similes option.

