Souvenirs

[makeshift]

SOUVENIRS

Beyond my flat's double glazed glass,  I like the opening. I can imagine this double glazed glass, the way it might abstract the world is interesting. 
I see a hazy midday scene:
Flocks of tourists napping in grass,
The slow and subtle spread of shade, This image is strong and feels very observant 
Tall men with their sub-legal trade, Totally weird haha, im guessing were talking about people conducting business? Sub-legal trade feels like an effort to rhyme shade? This stanza is my favorite, just cant get behind this line. 
And on trees the emerging green.

I look with greater focus now, Maybe the first stanza should be blurrier, if this stanza is greater focus? Its an efficient structure I think, slowly the camera focuses.. 
Upon this fading midday scene,
As I begin to notice how
The spring cement's obscurity
Heightens the plumb logs purity,
Showing a forest that had been. Not exactly following the logic of these three lines, but theres some colour here. 

When I am archaic yet wise, This thought/line feels really unnatural to me. 
I will still see this midday scene,
But never again through live eyes; Live makes me think your eyes are dead, I don't think its a literal dead, I think its just less imaginative eyes or something but i'm not sure.
Never at all with the power
To sweeten a youth gone sour. 
Too much to take in at eighteen. 

Yeah i'm not too sold on the rhymes, I think they might be taking more then they're giving. I read this as the narrator is taking in a scene and realizing they'll see it different when they're older, or something a little more specific then that exactly. I thought the first strophe was the strongest, I was more in the space. I could see this poem spending more time with the details, really letting things unfold. Enjoyed it, thanks for sharing.