06-13-2017, 01:09 PM
Hi Lizzie. I always thought Jinni was the name of a person (short for Virginia), until I saw (the) in front of the word, now I see it is a dark sort of creature. The poem made me think a little about death choices. I never really thought about "how" I would want "to go", just leave it to God and my appointed time, I guess. Glad I can live eternally! I will try my best to critique, no guarantees on how helpful I might be.
The Jinni asks: how do you wish Can the first three words begin the poem on one line?
to die? It's the gift of choice and knowledge, then, next line "how do you wish to die" I tend to prefer
release from the thickening suspense. couplets, or shorter stanzas, but that's just me
Do you want to die quick
like the lightning-crack of dynamite
or asteroid impact? good list of fasties!
Do you want your body to remain
intact in hope of resurrection— does not being intact cancel out resurrection?
maybe heart attack or Anthrax?
Do you want the fame you didn't have this is where the poem points to an individual, or seems personal
in life, a death for the Guinness books
and a story gone viral?
Do you want your death to dress I've never thought of death dressing, that makes death like a person
your story in white, bookends of goodness,
cloaking your putrid life since the jinni's asking, this shows a hateful jinni, so jinnis are not friendly...
in fragrant funeral sheets? I can think of only one thing when I think of funeral sheets. That is clever.
The Jinni can grant you absolution:
save a Hybrid full of babies
from a Humvee full of pedophiles
with twisted, pointy mustaches
slicked slimy with trans-fatty fry grease.
The Jinni is an ifrit— not sure what that is, I googled it, now've forgotten
it can make things happen.
Some people choose to simply
fall asleep;
they take a breath,
then exhale.
Most fall into silence, hoping
that the Jinni is the one who decides
whether dying must always result in death. informative
The poem reminded me of Ricky Skaggs, "Are You Afraid To Die?"
Thank you, Lizzie, for the read. It really got me thinking!
Have a blessed evening.
Janine
The Jinni asks: how do you wish Can the first three words begin the poem on one line?
to die? It's the gift of choice and knowledge, then, next line "how do you wish to die" I tend to prefer
release from the thickening suspense. couplets, or shorter stanzas, but that's just me
Do you want to die quick
like the lightning-crack of dynamite
or asteroid impact? good list of fasties!
Do you want your body to remain
intact in hope of resurrection— does not being intact cancel out resurrection?
maybe heart attack or Anthrax?
Do you want the fame you didn't have this is where the poem points to an individual, or seems personal
in life, a death for the Guinness books
and a story gone viral?
Do you want your death to dress I've never thought of death dressing, that makes death like a person
your story in white, bookends of goodness,
cloaking your putrid life since the jinni's asking, this shows a hateful jinni, so jinnis are not friendly...
in fragrant funeral sheets? I can think of only one thing when I think of funeral sheets. That is clever.
The Jinni can grant you absolution:
save a Hybrid full of babies
from a Humvee full of pedophiles
with twisted, pointy mustaches
slicked slimy with trans-fatty fry grease.
The Jinni is an ifrit— not sure what that is, I googled it, now've forgotten
it can make things happen.
Some people choose to simply
fall asleep;
they take a breath,
then exhale.
Most fall into silence, hoping
that the Jinni is the one who decides
whether dying must always result in death. informative
The poem reminded me of Ricky Skaggs, "Are You Afraid To Die?"
Thank you, Lizzie, for the read. It really got me thinking!
Have a blessed evening.
Janine
there's always a better reason to love