06-13-2017, 09:25 AM
(06-13-2017, 03:56 AM)Lizzie Wrote: The Jinni asks: how do you wish
to die? It's the gift of choice and knowledge,
release from the thickening suspense. wether this is true is an opener that kind of stays unquestioned and unanswered in the poem.. as I think you intended.. I like that line
Do you want to die quick
like the lightning-crack of dynamite I´d either put an “a” infront of “crack” or leave the “an” infront of “asteroid impact” out.
or an asteroid impact?
Do you want your body to remain nice enjambment (read just to the end of this line the reader cries “yes”
intact in hope of resurrection—
maybe heart attack or Anthrax? anthrax really doesn´t leave the body intact.. well, usually 5 min. of death (cardiac arrest) suffice for irreversible brain damage no matter the reason of death.. but ignoring that you could do with hypothermia instead
Do you want the fame you didn't have
in life, a death for the Guinness books
and a story gone viral?
Do you want your death to dress
your story in white, bookends of goodness,
cloaking your putrid life
in a fragrant funeral sheets? sheet?
The Jinni can grant you absolution:
save a Hybrid full of babies
from a Humvee full of pedophiles
with twisted, pointy mustaches
slicked slimy with trans-fatty fry grease. while the language and images are great I almost think the specifity of this example is distracting
The Jinni is an ifrit—
it can make things happen. creepy, makes me think of a child desperately trying not to think of the monster in the closet so that it won´t appear.
Some people choose to simply
fall asleep;
they take a breath,
then exhale.
Most fall into silence, hoping
that the Jinni is the one who decides
whether dying must always result in death. I like how you oppose "falling asleep" to "falling into silence" in this stanza. If that was intentional it could be enhanced by putting "fall into silence" in a separate line.
interesting poem, makes me think about acceptance - the most difficult thing when considering death.

