06-11-2017, 08:44 AM
I personally liked this one a lot. Thought the way you told the story was very relate-able. The rhymes, while being simple, brought the piece together. But it was just way too long. Took the wind out of the sails, so to speak. This is really great work, you really brought the feelings to the surface with this one.....at first. Halfway through it had lost it's punch for me and I kind of skipped to the bottom. I'm no Shakespear myself, just an amateur trying to help a fellow poet. Can't wait to read the revised version, my friend