Fifth Edit: The Swans in Wentworth Park

[nibbed]

Hi, Richard

I like the poem a lot. The title really says much
about the whole scene. I see it as pure, clever,
metaphor.



The Swans in Wentworth Park

Webbed feet                                                     
firmly on the ground.                            -I don't see the situation where a swan in this predicament would have his feet                                          
Feathers denied                                      firmly on the ground.
the blue of the sky.                                 I visualize a shifting of one foot to the other in attempts, though I
One wing open,                                      understand the use of firmly to convey being grounded.
begging the breeze for elevation.
The other wing lifeless:
bloodied and mangled.

Its eyes look desperate,                         -the thing I like about this stanza, is even through the cob can't fly
while its mate                                          it seems to indicate he can still appreciate the flight of his pen.
flies away,
soaring
higher than a dream.                               -the scene seems unusually quiet with all the bloodied mangle...



It's hard to critique really good poems. I much enjoyed this one. Thank you.