Edit 1: The Searing Flame

[The Four-Eyed Cat]

Thanks alot for your replies, Richard & Achebe!

I liked this first line. The image is potent. My only suggestion would  be to say "Trojan Horse" instead of "the horse of Troy." I understand that you did the latter because of meter, but I say screw the meter and just say what you have to say. - Good suggestion, will definitely take this one to heart.

I am a little confused. Who is the speaker in this stanza? I get the impression that the searing flame is the speaker in the rest of the poem, but it seems like someone/something else here. Am I correct? Correct. The 'Flame' has had multiple vessels throughout the ages, in the first stanza it is a new person that inherits it, in the stanzas that follow, it is the flame itself.
 
"mortal man" seems a bit redundant to me. Again, I feel like you're worded it like that because of the meter.
I thought it would be a fitting choice considering the thematic of gods.
 
Please use different words than "ye" and "thy". They sound like something from the 1650's.
Regarding the use of 'Ye' and 'Thy', it hought it'd be most fitting under the ancient pretext of sacking Olympus. 

-I like the image here. It's strong and supports the main idea of your poem. However, the wording hurts its effectiveness. For example, why not just say the fruit's name instead of "fruit of life"? I would consider rewording this line. - i'm not entirely sure what the name of the fruit of life was, i believe the bible just called it plainly 'the fruit of life'.
 

I notice that you use no periods in this poem. In my opinion, you need to go all in if you want to do that and also drop the capitalization, or keep some of the caps and add periods, commas and semicolons.  Agreed, I will keep an eye out for that!


Overall, I like what you're going for in this poem. I would just recommend revising it without adhering to the meter as much, and may be even drop some or all the rhymes. I be curious to see what you would end up with.  You've given me some great pointers that i'll certainly use! Regarding dropping rhymes, i will experiment with it, but i doubt that I will drop it. 

Keep writing,
Richard

Hi - not meaning to discourage you here, but this poem has all the characteristics of beginners' poetry: stilted, archaic language, inverted word order and lines forcefully stretched out for no other purpose than to fit rhyme and meter. Not discouraged here! i'm a beginner and i welcome all feedback/critique! (Else i wouldn't open this thread )

A few specific observations (they apply to virtually every line): 

My will was like a scalding inferno that would fervidly ignite
And entice others with the alluring fragrance of titanic might

has a simile (your will was like an inferno) that leads nowhere - because an inferno doesn't "entice" anyone other than a volcanologist. So you began with a simile, but forgot about it and moved on to the next line. Moreover, an inferno doesn't have 'fragrance' and even if it did, the metaphor would become 'fragrance of might'. Might doesn't have fragrance. You can substitute any word or phrase that might vaguely go with 'alluring' - taste, thrill, feeling - and the line would be as meaningless. To defend my choice of words here; While an inferno might not entice others, a will does.  Like an inferno might be spreading from building to building, so will 'his' will from soul to soul. In regards to fragrance, i disagree with you there. The promise of power is the most effective perfume this world has ever known. 

Also, too many adjectives and adverbs, which are best used sparingly, and not at all, in poetry - scalding, fervidly, alluring, titanic.  
This is good advice, i've eliminated some of the adjectives and i'm quite happy with the result!

At other places, you have metaphors that are equally poorly phrased, eg:

There arose a scorching cinder within an ancient soul

makes no sense, because a cinder doesn't 'arise' - a cinder is a dying product of combustion.

I think you might be confused with embers. 

Once more, thanks for the feedback!