Fifth Edit: The Swans in Wentworth Park

[makeshift]

The Swans in Wentworth Park

Webbed feet  
firmly on the ground. I think this image is a good start, very visual and close in to the birds anatomy. A conduit to the mangled wing later maybe? 
Feathers denied
the blue of the sky. I almost like this lol. The colour feels very active, I imagine the white feathers filled with blue. I think it just treads on cliche some or maybe it just feels like an unnaturalistic way to say what your trying to say with out enough poetic payoff. 
One wing open,
begging the breeze for elevation.
The other wing lifeless: Lifeless is probably unnecessary here, "Bloodied and mangled" expresses the sentiment better imo 
bloodied and mangled.

Its eyes look desperate, I think this might be a good opportunity for metaphor/simile, I wanna know what desperate swan eyes look like!
while its mate
flies away,
soaring "Soaring" and "flies away" is probably too redundant, especially given how economical this stanza is. 
higher than a dream. "Dream" may be a little too hackneyed? I'm convinced theres a better way to get at this impossible divide, and the lovers longing 

The title on this one intrigued me, it reads as a good setup for a little vignette. I think the poem starts out stronger then it ends. It may suffer from some melodrama with the mangled wing. Flight is a difficult metaphor, your working against some cliches. The image of the swan, and a bloodied wing really is startling though, and a land locked bird certainly gets my pity. The second stanza felt a lot less inventive/visual then the first, which is my biggest complaint here. Thanks for sharing, looking forward to the edit!