Fallout revision 1

[nibbed]

Hi, Jana. Welcome here. WOW. You are a newbie and this is what you produce? It is awesome to me. Some of the better, more experienced, smarter poets say that being nice is not helpful in critique, but I can't help it. This is really good. It reminds me of graffiti poetry, not that it is hodgepodge or mixed about in different blasts of color, but because it is artful in that it speaks of many things: social injustice, oppression, suffering, and hope. It even offers a bit of help. It really offered a wonderful facet. Thank you. Thank you for the read:


Fallout

v.1
Fallout shelter underground.                         good reminder
Survival gear scattered around.                     might consider: 'round
Drums of grains. Mildew stains.
Cold War relics still remain.                           brings to mind history, like an old black & white reel

v.2
Rural folks lived to tell
of childhood days they knew too well.            maybe no "of" ?
War fears stoked. Paranoia stroked.
Armageddon had been provoked.                   perhaps just "Armaggedon's been provoked"?

v.3
Another generation's passed.
Fallout shelters holding fast.
War fears stoked. Paranoia stroked.
Armageddon's still blowing smoke.                 interesting alliteration, but I don't get the still and smoke...
                                                                                            
c.1
The fallout is here                                        This sounds kinda "clunky"
We see it clearly                                           just clear
Profiteers and financiers                                I want to switch these
(hell bent on)
choking off our atmosphere.                          
Armageddon's growing near.

v.4
Fallout shelter underground,
survival gear hand-me-downs, 
Militia crackbrains. Bulging veins.
Armageddon's drum still sounds.

c.2
The fallout is here.
Our consequence appeared,
a dying global biosphere.                                great rhythm here, lyrical
We look to space, the new frontier.
Armageddon perseveres.                                 Armegeddon means many thing to this reader.



Thank you kindly for this interesting, lively, read.
You certainly have a gift!
Sorry my critique format went haywire.
Best wishes.

Janine