06-09-2017, 11:25 AM
Hi elleblack
I have read through this a few times, but will need to come back again. I am drawing many different things from the poem, so I think my reply will be both critique and interpretation.
silkworms a new innovation or is it about silkworms?
ask me more than once a need to be heard, cared for
why vomit coats my tongue someone sick, I drew from this chemotherapy
when the heat makes veins radiation therapy, perhaps?
crawl like slow slugs
and I will tell you
that on thursday I like how it goes into the next stanza, I detect youthfulness/hope in that
my face extended
to touch every flat wall perhaps X-rays, or a visual compusion
that expulsion on the sink edge is alien as though the speaker is in the bathroom, ill
and this cloud of hung and heavy silk
once moved yellow and alive
in the entrails of silkworms a shower curtain
that the underbelly of my rimmed ear I'm lost here
reminds me of formation
tendrilled cartilage and baby tendons but think of cancer again
in the shock dark
that a creature like a bat encased me
somewhere between january and march
when its skin fused elastic
the folded sharpness of the ridge formed
that the baby is two halves I want to argue at this line, though I don't know why
and in the river
water glides green over itself algae
its squirming molecules the kissbreeze
that caressed me soft on kelvingrove street the last line is wonderful
I probably misinterpreted it big time, but it was fun to read and work through.
Thank you kindly for a chance to critique.
janine
I have read through this a few times, but will need to come back again. I am drawing many different things from the poem, so I think my reply will be both critique and interpretation.
silkworms a new innovation or is it about silkworms?
ask me more than once a need to be heard, cared for
why vomit coats my tongue someone sick, I drew from this chemotherapy
when the heat makes veins radiation therapy, perhaps?
crawl like slow slugs
and I will tell you
that on thursday I like how it goes into the next stanza, I detect youthfulness/hope in that
my face extended
to touch every flat wall perhaps X-rays, or a visual compusion
that expulsion on the sink edge is alien as though the speaker is in the bathroom, ill
and this cloud of hung and heavy silk
once moved yellow and alive
in the entrails of silkworms a shower curtain
that the underbelly of my rimmed ear I'm lost here
reminds me of formation
tendrilled cartilage and baby tendons but think of cancer again
in the shock dark
that a creature like a bat encased me
somewhere between january and march
when its skin fused elastic
the folded sharpness of the ridge formed
that the baby is two halves I want to argue at this line, though I don't know why
and in the river
water glides green over itself algae
its squirming molecules the kissbreeze
that caressed me soft on kelvingrove street the last line is wonderful
I probably misinterpreted it big time, but it was fun to read and work through.
Thank you kindly for a chance to critique.
janine
there's always a better reason to love