Fifth Edit: The Swans in Wentworth Park

[homer1950]

Hi Richard,

Somre thoughts;
You may want to eliminate what I might call "the dreamy language". The poem needs to express the dire situation the Swan is facing.

Webbed feet
firmly on the ground. confused and grounded
Feathers denied
the blue of the sky. their usual flight
One wing open,
begging the breeze struggling for elevation.
The other wing lifeless,
bloodied and mangled.

Its  eyes look desperate, desperate eyes
while its mate watch in fear 
as it's mate
flies away,
soaring
higher than a dream.