06-07-2017, 08:44 AM
Hi Todd,
Thanks so much for your feedback!!
Your comments on the 'wall' line are really helpful - I was trying to make sure that every word was necessary and that there wasn't anything the poem didn't need so I think a change of this would be good - had been considering changing to 'plane' but I think I like your suggestion of 'surface' better.
I'm really pleased you got the idea of conception from the fifth verse - I thought it might have been too vague.
And the thing you said about using the street name at the end is really interesting to me, and definitely not something I'd thought about so thank you! I was thinking about taking it out but I agree that it might make the poem seem too flimsy and without 'grounding' as you put it.
Thanks again for your reply, this is my first time sharing work so it was very daunting! Your comments will help me a lot.
Thanks so much for your feedback!!
Your comments on the 'wall' line are really helpful - I was trying to make sure that every word was necessary and that there wasn't anything the poem didn't need so I think a change of this would be good - had been considering changing to 'plane' but I think I like your suggestion of 'surface' better.
I'm really pleased you got the idea of conception from the fifth verse - I thought it might have been too vague.
And the thing you said about using the street name at the end is really interesting to me, and definitely not something I'd thought about so thank you! I was thinking about taking it out but I agree that it might make the poem seem too flimsy and without 'grounding' as you put it.
Thanks again for your reply, this is my first time sharing work so it was very daunting! Your comments will help me a lot.