Silkworms

[Todd]

We often believe that praise is more damaging to the writer than criticism. So, this piece creates some challenges for me. I think this is lovely work of a type quite different than I write so that makes me appreciate it even more. I will hope to give you something helpful in the comments below.

silkworms

ask me more than once--I'm going to try to resist interpreting this too much. I do like the opening because the ask me more than once implies that the questioner does not believe the speaker's first answer (since they provide an answer later presumably they say something. 
why vomit coats my tongue--Coats is a good choice. At this point we may relate vomit to sickness or overindulgence of some type. 
when the heat makes veins
crawl like slow slugs--Love the imagery fixing the lethargy from heat, an unwillingness or inability to move.
and I will tell you --Good place for a strophe break, builds tension.
 
that on thursday--You could capitalize Thursday but it doesn't kill me. Larger issue it seems like a weak word to break on thematically. Maybe pull up the next line.
my face extended
to touch every flat wall --This gives a sense of inebriation--though possibly illness. Optionally, surface instead of wall would allow you to move the speaker onto the floor. Is there a type of wall that isn't flat? Does the word add anything? 
 
that expulsion on the sink edge is alien--Didn't make it to the sink. What came before the vomit coated tongue presumably.
and this cloud of hung and heavy silk --Metaphor for the atmosphere in the room in the speaker's head. Heavy is an interesting choice. I like it nothing I normally think of with silk but ties nicely into the title and the disturbing view below.
once moved yellow and alive
in the entrails of silkworms--You have this image that goes to the insides of silkworms discussing a process that was once alive inside of them contrasted with the narrator with something moving and alive in them--their current sickness 
 
that the underbelly of my rimmed ear
reminds me of formation
tendrilled cartilage and baby tendons
in the shock dark--Very embryonic sounding and creation myth sounding. I especially like rimmed, tendrilled and in the shock dark. Precise, tight writing.
 
that a creature like a bat encased me--I'm probably missing some of this but it feels like the speaker is incorporating the silk moth and cocoon language.
somewhere between january and march--Conception possibly
when its skin fused elastic
the folded sharpness of the ridge formed
 
that the baby is two halves--while the baby could be metaphor this could be any baby from shared dna. This section has my favorite phrasing in the poem from "that the baby...glides green over itself"
and in the river
water glides green over itself --lovely writing
its squirming molecules the kissbreeze--like the kissbreeze compression. It feels like nature is trying to manufacture a word for a feeling. 
that caressed me soft on kelvingrove street--I also like the street name to ground what would otherwise feel like a bit of magical realism. 

My interpretation might have taken me down the wrong road. I did thorougly enjoy the piece. I hope that something will be helpful to you in the comments.

Best,

Todd