sunburn

[vagabond]

i enjoyed it because of the subject matter, that said you have lots of room to improve it if you wish. sometimes less is more, i think some work could also be done on the second stanza.

Sunburn


the sun seems to weigh a ton an understatement why not go big [weighs a gazillion tons] or something else. no need for like
but I rationally sit down,
as I intend to rise and might be better than as, raise may be better than rise    it was intended to create a paradox with the previous line , but I didn´t know if the use of "rise" sounds awkward, so: thanks, I ll consider!
the levels of melanin in my hide,
and to colour parts of my brain no need for and   the word`ll go in the edit (which I intend to do)
where melatonin was drained. is drained...or dead, or something stronger     was not happy with that line myself

Surprised by the touch of a breeze,
gently whispering and cooling the heat
on this almost depigmented skin,
(feels good) I think,
it could turn somewhat red
and then it might shed.

thanks for commenting, billy