06-03-2017, 12:36 AM
(05-08-2017, 04:28 AM)nibbed Wrote: Spotted Oleander
(A Wasp Moth)
Though you wear
a shark skinned suit,
peppered, I don´t know if that line´s necessary, if it is I´d unite it with the next line
you are my friend. “you´re my friend” ? (for rhythm)
You won't bite
or leave a mark,
only tickle. (so that´s why he was saved later?)
Black ferns
dipped in auburn
make up your brow; maybe “line your brow” or something to keep the flow
plush velvet,
royal crimson lace
(you sometimes wear “if only worn as cape” and it would fit in 1 line
only as a cape)
takes you maybe you have some image to add in that short line..
from favored nectar,
right here to me.
Trapped between
screen and window,
I gently help you
get free,
scooping you away those two stanzas (from “trapped” to “away”) I´d try to combine to one of 3 or 4 lines
with the large slotted
plastic spoon
I borrowed from
a stranger's drawer. this stanza seems to convey the poem´s meaning but not to me.
hope some of that could be useful :-)

