Perversion

[Todd]

Hi Richard,

I quite liked this. Here are some comments for you.

Perversion--Versatile title. First, it makes the reader want to read the poem. Then it could be both the breakdown of something from its original design or something thought of as sexually deviant. You use both definitions in the poem so quite versatile.

I can feel my age-Perfect first line. It sets up the extended conceit of the poem. How do we deal with age and mortality compared with how we dealt with sexuality. There's a long history of comparing sex and death so this isn't uncharted thematic ground--but you handle it well. none of this reads as stale.
like a nervous adolescent undoing a bra.--wonderful line. The idea of wanting to appear in control and suffering from anxiety and uncertainty. A wonderfully visual example to describe an internal conflict which is made even better when you reflect back on the content of your first line.

Do I kiss her neck,
turn off the lights,
or take off my pants?--The mortality question but what comes next. The constant thought that you could derail everything by getting the sequence wrong. Again you tell this issue so well with the imagery and conceit that you make the actual content more poignant.  The perversion if you will is death.

I want to think my choice matters.--The crux of it all. A Beautiful thematic line that deserves its isolated placement. I like the formatting as it stands. I'd be tempted though to look at pulling Then it's over up under this line and put the strophe break beneath it (starting the next strophe with "a mess, an apology,"

Then it's over:--Both concepts blend together well in this line.
a mess, an apology,--Life as premature ejaculate and apologies--sad commentary. Love this.
and I'm red faced.--I don't think this line adds much. Red-faced (I think needs a hyphen) if you keep it is simply overdone. I think it's stronger cutting the line.
I feel with a vague certainty--Love the oxymoron. Vague certainty sums up many of the issues surrounding sex and mortality.
that our bodies have limitations.--This is very well thought out.

I'm scared,--Nice humanizing line for the speaker.
I know this will happen again;
actually, part of me
yearns
for an even worse ending.--Such a suprisingly morbid twist. This is where the persersion title really pays off. It is perverse to think in this way, and awesome.

Thoroughly enjoyed this piece. I didn't have much to critique in it. I do hope though that the comments help.

Best,

Todd