Memorial Day in Cranston Ct.

[milo]

S1 L4 you might consider rich.

I might but, "not rich enough to be brown" is a euphemism for white trash

 S2 L5/6 might be stronger combined. S3 you might comma after beer and bring drawing up, then fiddleheads in the dirt and cigarette butts. While I enjoyed the image and pausing and thinking about fiddleheads I didn't come up with a reason for the poem to stress it, I may be missing something.

good editing suggestions that I will most likely incorporate.

While "drawing fiddleheads in the dirt" may not be an obvious reference to entropy or an eternal malaise, unless it harms the poem I will probably leave it.

S4 L1 I'm not thrilled with lop-sided furniture, I like the image but furniture is so nonspecific in a poem that pays such attention to detail. S6 L1 you might consider starting with "Last week" to open an opportunity for a better break. L5 might be stronger if you cut "on the couch", leaving "down" for the break.

That last break on "of" would typically be weak but as I like the butterfly on its own line I wouldn't suggest changing it.

Well, you asked, , hope something in there helps.

good suggestions.  I am actually switching the break.  The reason you cite is the reason I chose it but "of" is inconsequential enough I don't think any of the weight is lost.  This change I am making  immediately.

Once again, thanks.