Starkillers

[Richard]

Hey Radetof.Yahska,
I liked some of your language use in this poem quite a bit. However, there are some spots that need to made clearer for the reader. I'll go into more detail below:

Pride ate through the fragile mesh
of thoughts till
a sundering of worlds came,
the incompleteness, taunting -This entire first stanza is a bit too abstract for me. I've read it over and over again, and I'm not sure what is going on here. Are you talking about the speaker's pride, or the audience's pride, or the starkillers' pride?

In dark desires, glory was found
butchered, hung up by the window
for finer sensibilities -I love the imagery in this stanza. The mutilation of glory here just really sticks with me. However, I think if you clarified your first stanza, this stanza would be even stronger.

Twisted tufts of bloody fur
marked the victims -Who are the victims? What do they have to do with glory and pride? I feel like this needs to be explored more.
better men

Broken mirrors float
in the lonely space between
two halves;
"We are starkillers -This is a bit of a nit-pick comment, but this line made me think of Star Wars. I get the feeling that "starkillers" is a reference to something (not Star Wars), so I might be missing the relevance of it.
Our truth will bind you
brand you
leave you hungry"

Grasping at holes -Who's holes? Are we back to pride, glory, or the victims, or may be the holes are the speaker's? This could be made a bit clearer.
as life flows out
failing to keep it together

Never-ending sham of
Completion -Is this capitalized on purpose?
of complexity, riddles
truths shared hesitantly

Draw a gaudy heart
across an empty chest -This is such a dark image to end on. I love it!

I notice that you capitalized some of the words here, but never use a period. I would go all in on one approach; you should either punctuate this poem or write it all in lower case letters. Overall, I think you have a strong first draft here, and I look forward to seeing where you take it from here.

Cheers,
Richard