4th Annual Poems About Suicide Month

[dukealien]

In the Gunroom


This is ridiculous.

First, the choice:
shotgun, rifle pistol.
Shotgun: messy, muzzle
too big to get into mouth
easily.
Rifle: heard of it done
by a guy in the unit
and they’re short enough these days
it doesn’t take a double-jointed
big toe like a musket.
Then all the trouble -
load a magazine,
cycle action,
turn it around.
And then there’s overpenetration:
someone
else
could get hurt.
Pistol, then: much more practical
automatic - all the loading
and cycling, like the rifle
and the danger of taking the thing
out of battery by pressure
on the slide or barrel
leading to embarrassing click
and the grip safety...
Okay, revolver.  Load one
right or left - Smith or Colt?
Idiot!  Load one on each side
it’s not as if you only have
one shot.  I mean, one cartridge.
Fine.  Back to mechanics:
double action is right out,
the muzzle will wobble all over
trying to pull the trigger through
with a thumb.
So single action, which will leave
me standing in the gunroom with
a loaded cocked revolver.
Damn!  I can’t do this
against all the ingrained
weapon safety training
even if I could point
the muzzle at a part
of the body.
Thought this would be easy
with such a supply of means
right here to hand
but it’s not working.
Should be trivial
but no go.

At least there are no
hesitation marks - that
would be embarrassing as hell.
Easier to take
a stroll across the Interstate
at rush hour
(ask forgiveness in advance
from the poor sucker who gets
me as a radiator ornament)
but they have fences
it’s as if they KNEW.

Still trying to get in the mood here, but it's so difficult!