Opium is the religion of the masses

[egl12345]

Opium is the religion of the masses
 
"The rich throw us under their mill," 
despite others reluctance on you using the vague term of "rich", I think it allows for interpretation and can relate to a wider audience than if you narrowed it down. Creating a specific oppressor may cause a stronger reaction from a select few, but t depends on your audience.

"indiscriminately grind our flesh & bones,"
I love the use of the word "grind" as it tends to be used in reference to working but you've taken it very literally, causing it to have weight while still causing an unsettling and grotesque image.

"yet forbid us poppies to succor"
this line is has been set apart from the other lines clearly as it does not contain any of the unsettling imagery that the others have. It causes me to side a bit more with the "poppies" and feel sympathetic. (Its the only part of the poem that isn't terrifying so forbidding it seems cruel)    

"our mental anguish or quite our pitiful moans." 
I think the last line should be a powerfully, weighted ending. The poem almost escalates then doesn't. This could be purposeful to cause an unsettling feeling or it was accidental, but i did feel unsatisfied.

I am really impressed with this poem and I don't know how much of the feelings I experienced were purposely pulled from me or were coincidental, but I think this is amazing. You could work with rhythm (like a more repetitive beat that matches the endless hopelessness feeling) but I think if you would have to sacrifice the wording for that to work then its perfect the way it is.
 
erthona
 
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