On 'Gandu Bagicha'

[Radetof.Yahska]

Ooooo, this is good. Welcome to the Pen! >< 

Right off the bat, I can recommend a couple of things: first, don't capitalize the first of every sentence automatically. It's not done that much anymore and makes it harder to read. I found the amount of full stops made the read a little choppy, so I'd think about combining more sentences to free up the flow a little bit.

I like the "illogical" descriptions that you have, like rabid soil, promiscuous soil, feet taste the soil -- it gives the poem a surreal feeling while still making a kind of round-about sense.

I'll be back to say more.

If you really want to workshop this, I'd recommend putting it in Serious, or at least Mild -- your work can withstand the heat.

Thanks, Lizzie, for the feedback. I have a problem with punctuation, because I vocalize this crap and think of all the pauses and stuff - need to work on it.

As for the capitalization, will fix.

I'll workshop some other stuff, current stuff. I've been getting worse with passing time. No practice and all play is taking its toll, and I've lost a good dozen of the poems I wrote about two years ago, so I keep pining and procrastinating. This too, if it gets leaner and meaner here.


Edit: Is it bad to capitalize? I tried to fix it, but it was painful to look at. // Done.