05-26-2017, 01:59 PM
Ooooo, this is good. 
Welcome to the Pen! ><
Right off the bat, I can recommend a couple of things: first, don't capitalize the first of every sentence automatically. It's not done that much anymore and makes it harder to read. I found the amount of full stops made the read a little choppy, so I'd think about combining more sentences to free up the flow a little bit.
I like the "illogical" descriptions that you have, like rabid soil, promiscuous soil, feet taste the soil -- it gives the poem a surreal feeling while still making a kind of round-about sense.
I'll be back to say more.
If you really want to workshop this, I'd recommend putting it in Serious, or at least Mild -- your work can withstand the heat.
Welcome to the Pen! >< Right off the bat, I can recommend a couple of things: first, don't capitalize the first of every sentence automatically. It's not done that much anymore and makes it harder to read. I found the amount of full stops made the read a little choppy, so I'd think about combining more sentences to free up the flow a little bit.
I like the "illogical" descriptions that you have, like rabid soil, promiscuous soil, feet taste the soil -- it gives the poem a surreal feeling while still making a kind of round-about sense.
I'll be back to say more.
If you really want to workshop this, I'd recommend putting it in Serious, or at least Mild -- your work can withstand the heat.