05-25-2017, 03:12 PM
Thank you, Paul and Ray, for the reads and comments.
The form is a tanka, 31 syllables. This one came from compressing two 'ku into one - I'm not sure it works, either. The first 'ku is stronger on its own, I agree, but the 'couplet' wants to lift your eyes from the beach into the sky. Close-up to distance shot.
The form is a tanka, 31 syllables. This one came from compressing two 'ku into one - I'm not sure it works, either. The first 'ku is stronger on its own, I agree, but the 'couplet' wants to lift your eyes from the beach into the sky. Close-up to distance shot.