Don't Look (Revised)

[just mercedes]

Don't Look


I cleaned my own clock
by hanging heavily
to every word
of this world;
trusting scholars,
turning over my life
to the hands of death
as I wasted time selling
my own lying vanities.

Do you realize that 'clock' and 'hands' are the only concrete images in your poem? The rest is made up of abstractions, which can't evoke the same depth of response from a reader.

To quote the League of Canadian Poets, ' The strength and effectiveness of a poem relies on the strength and effectiveness of its imagery – and the strength and effectiveness of that imagery relies on its concreteness.' 


'Clock' and 'hands' are a good starting point, they fit together well. Now you can show your reader, using metaphors, similes, and appeal to senses wih colours, scents, textures, etc., what you want to communicate in your poem. Show your reader, rather than tell them.




sorry, I realized the 1st poem
was a big mistake. I tried
to delete it, but it wouldn't
let me, so, I wrote over it
a completely different poem.