05-22-2017, 05:43 AM
Thanks, everybody.
I agree it is too preachy, though the revised version was much more in-your-face. I thought I had lightened it up, but I had only poured it on in a different manner. I used "yanked" to express how even the most natural care of a mother nursing her young has been disregarded and replaced by humanism through commercialism ("we have a better way than the way God has made, do it like this, instead:"). I felt the poem needed to maintain a level of preachiness to convey how I felt during a flow of revelation. Angry, I guess...betrayed, buffaloed, hood-winked, dense, slow, blind...It's rather a difficult poem to write I imagine, just how we can fall into trusting human efforts over God's already rich bounties. Why do we trust man over God? Reading through it now it seems cheap and unworthy. It certainly is not clear on the loveliness of the Trinity for which it was to lift up. Thanks again, everyone, for taking such kind consideration to my poem!
I agree it is too preachy, though the revised version was much more in-your-face. I thought I had lightened it up, but I had only poured it on in a different manner. I used "yanked" to express how even the most natural care of a mother nursing her young has been disregarded and replaced by humanism through commercialism ("we have a better way than the way God has made, do it like this, instead:"). I felt the poem needed to maintain a level of preachiness to convey how I felt during a flow of revelation. Angry, I guess...betrayed, buffaloed, hood-winked, dense, slow, blind...It's rather a difficult poem to write I imagine, just how we can fall into trusting human efforts over God's already rich bounties. Why do we trust man over God? Reading through it now it seems cheap and unworthy. It certainly is not clear on the loveliness of the Trinity for which it was to lift up. Thanks again, everyone, for taking such kind consideration to my poem!
there's always a better reason to love