Beneath a Red Hood (Revision 2.1)

[Richard]

Hey Todd,
You have a way with language that I just can't help but enjoy. I'm going to try to give some critique. However, this piece is pretty strong, so I don't have a ton to say outside of some thoughts about your ending and some nit-picking. I'll explain more below:

Revision

Hunger is a breathless dance -This is a wonderful way to describe hunger. I've read this metaphor over and over, and it just works so well.
of teeth—the smell of pennies— -I don't quite get "the smell of pennies". It sounds good, but does this imply the speaker is eating pennies? Is this some sort of allusion I'm not understanding? This line even made me google "the smell of pennies" to see if there was something I was missing...
I stink of it.

My ears prick
to the sanguine skip, her hum -I like "sanguine skip" because it creates a nice image in my mind.
a mouthful of bees. -If her hum is a mouthful of bees, does that imply danger for the speaker or the girl? I would think this indicates a greater danger for the girl. Was this your intentional?

She is sweet cherries
on the tongue that licks
against the gnarled root. -This stanza is wonderful. It's like the whole forbidden fruit motif without using the word "forbidden."

Slick droplet,
bag of raw meat, -This is a disturbing image. I get how the girl could be like raw meat, but why a bag of it? It's not exactly a seductive image.
not so little girl,

hair, a thorny tangle -I like the metaphor for the hair. It sums up the danger of the situation well.
of waves beneath the blood
moon. -I like the symbolism here because the moon usually represents purity, so a blood moon means something is now impure.

Who could see
and claim her 
an ingénue? -I like the italics here. However, is this someone else talking or the narrator thinking instead of speaking?

liquid desire -I'm not a huge punctuation guy, but why isn't "liquid" capitalized? Is this intentional?
in pale naked 
light, dribbling 
wine, -I can't help but feel like the stanza break here is unnecessary. I just don't see why "wine" needs so much emphasis because it's already in a line by itself. This might be my biggest nit-picking comment of the entire critique. 

no longer hooded,
her breath, a rasping 
whetstone against 
my sharp angles. -This stanza is so vivid. I love the metaphors and language here. It's wonderful.

Generations will fill 
my stomach—

so big, so big. -I've read this numerous times and I still don't get the last three lines. "Generations will fill/my stomach-" makes the speaker sound almost like a female character (i.e. birthing). Was that the intent? It feels to me like you're trying to have some sort of profound final thought/lesson to this. You should just end it at "my sharp angles." Let the reader decide what lesson, if any, they want to take from this. 

Look at this tangle of thorns—Nabokov

Hunger is a breathless dance of teeth—
the smell of bricks—
I stink of it.

Prick to the sound
of a sanguine skip, her hum
a mouthful of bees.

The taste of innocence is sweet
cherries on the tongue. Licks
across the gnarled root.

This bag of raw meat,
slick droplet, budding rose,
this not so little girl.

Hair like the blood
moon in a tangle
of thorns, a violent cascade

Who could see
and claim her
an ingénue?

The liquid color of desire
in pale naked light
the smell of mutton, dribbling wine.

The path meant to walk
away from—
generations will fill my stomach.

No longer hooded,
breath a rasping whetstone
against my sharp angles.

So big, so big, today is different.
~~~

There's some wonderful language use in this poem, and my biggest suggestion would be the rework the ending. May be I'm missing something though. It wouldn't be the first time.

Cheers,
Richard