Humanism is (Revised)

[nibbed]

Hi nibbed, this is too directly said for my liking. There's very little imagery or figurative language driving this piece.

Ironically, the opponents of this poem's view could use the below passage to prove its opposite point.

every bit of nothing
that has been fed to you
from the time
they yanked you
away from
your mother's
free food.

Now if you instead build the poem around an image (some of which is hinted at and not used), you could allow the ideas and consequences of those ideas to be expressed more organically through the presentation.

It doesn't matter if the audience agrees or disagrees with the message. The issue is with its execution. Not sure that will help much but I wanted to give you my initial reaction.




Best,

Todd

Hi Todd, thank you for considering my poem for critique. Opponents? Yes. Admittedly it was free flowing thought and I penned it as it flowed, perhaps that's why it is very direct. I was feeling a great passion after learning about lies from the enemy, life long lies and how cleverly done. I suppose some may see this as contrary verse and it could also be viewed as somewhat drab and generic, but it certainly didn't feel that way when I penned it! Thanks for taking the time to read it. I will look it over and see what I can do to improve imagery. I hope your day is filled with beautiful light and joy today and people are better to you than they may have been in the past.

janine