Burial (2nd revision)

[burrealist]

metaphor is one of the stock poetic devices we should all endevour to use but if they're too far away to workout as most here are; they fail. it's easy for you to understand them, you wrote them, would you understand similar one's if someone else wrote them?

OK burr, I agree. It is incomplete nonsensense. Something big is missing. If it was clear in intent I could spend an hour and find it but it is YOU who wants to be understood. As the crit I am not unduly concerned with the subjectivity of translation, I think what I think,  but I would like to be able to read about "sensitive subjects" without the shackles of obscurity. It is said often on this site that metaphors by definition should clarify not obfuscate...if obscurity is what you give me, it is not a metaphor.
Best,
tectak

Alright, point taken. Billy said it right: it's a stock poetic device. We're taught in all our elementary classes what they are, but we probably don't learn how to use them correctly.

So, each "poem" I've posted here I am going to re-evaluate and make more concrete. Less artsy. Blunt (because I said I like blunt). And then if I don't think it amounts to anything special, I'm going to throw it out and start fresh.