Burial (2nd revision)

[tectak]

Burial

Floods and cold crests

Shift grain from

Dwelt rocks

Its strength sweeps line

By line, cracks

Dredged deep

White specs dance, flares

Of sprees rush

Like wasps

I thought I could

Stand its strength

As stone

I've sunk in, stuck

I was wrong —

I'm frail

I drudge each foot

Hands thrash out

Splash down

Stern mud pulls me

Both feet cringe

Eyes swell

These coarse hairs grit

Bone with skin

Fringed, caged,

Trapped, struck by nails

My form shreds

Joints numb

Crack hard, like ice

Break and flail

Freeze burns

Sheer, thick sheets slide

Down my lungs

Teeth stung

Gagged, crushed, I snap —

Dropped stones fade,

Hearts sink.

The ghosts off-shore

Watch this tide

Awe-struck

Its flux, its ebb,

Its course, breeze

Draft, whir

Some time has gone

Ice still washed

Cruel flows

Deep in those flows

I still sway

Mute shift

Hi burr,
On a cursory read I took this to be just  nonsense.Subsequent readings convinced me I was correct. The other crits have tried politely to see the King's new clothes but I see him bollock naked.
Look, this "thought train" stuff is all very good at convincing some of the people some of the time that there is something inherently worthy in saying it "as it is". That may be a bonus in politicians but not in poets.The quintessential point about poetry is to find another way. It takes some skill, some intuition, some talent and some effort...the latter being inversely proportional to the sum of the formers. Read this out loud and make changes to clarify, dazzle, impress and IMPROVE. If you need it spelling out in a kindly way,use your thoughts as a frame on which to hang out your metaphorical washing...it needs to be cleaned up,rinsed through, to flutter and dance in the fresh wind...that is poetry, this is just dirty  linen on the line.
No line by line as every line would require comment which you would find detrimental to whatever you thought you were doing...BUT I am NOT convinced that you thought you were doing anything poetically germane...and there's the pity. If you genuinely wish to "make" a piece worth reading...and I hope and believe you do...then please take this crit in the round. It needs more (correct) punctuation, more (potent) imagery, more (clarifying) metaphor, more (consistent) rhythm, more (thoughtful) aliteration, more (tuneful)assonance, more (vectored) direction, more....more....POETRY. 
Best,
tectak