May II - edit
#2
(05-16-2017, 08:19 AM)dukealien Wrote:  May II


Tiny-flowered bough
brushed by my cap in passing
showers face with scent.
You might cut "by", it seems wrong as your cap is moving along, not the bough (even if it's windy Smile). The last line doesn't do it for me; it's too general, I can't catch the scent, maybe just "lilac" or whatever it is, or something saying you can't place it if you can't.
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Messages In This Thread
May II - edit - by dukealien - 05-16-2017, 08:19 AM
RE: May II - by ellajam - 05-16-2017, 10:21 PM
RE: May II - edit - by dukealien - 05-17-2017, 11:16 AM



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