05-13-2017, 04:16 AM
[quote="Richard" pid='228434' dateline='1494480125']
Professor of Poetics -Although 'Poetics' is a lot more original than 'Poetry', I still think that poetry is a much nicer word to use.
he is just a memory now-
part of a cruel dream
forever far
yet always close I find this a very effective and strong opening- You incite the reader to want to find out about this 'cruel dream' very well
he would lecture
about the clumsiness
of clichés:
“Grey leaden sky
is meaningless,” he would say
he would talk
of how poems were like candy:
so sweet sounding
in our mouths
he would also scare away
young poets
by dissecting their lines
like a mad surgeon
his plain pencil
a scalpel
most of his surgeries
unwanted As tecktak has said, I do think that this well written line will carry a lot more weight if it were punctuated. Knowing when to stop, knowing how quickly a word should be read, is in my opinion vital for a goodman poem.
he never made steel
like my father
he never waited a table
like my mother Are these chores deemed more honorable then teaching? The meaning is slightly obscure here I think
but he influenced me .
he taught me
and prolonged my dream of poetics:
a cruel dream
forever far
yet always close I very much like this closing line.
In terms of what you are trying to say, I thouroughly appreciate this poem. You seem to be discussing the early stages of writing poetry, and how crushing yet yelpful it is to have a experienced person to criticise your work, for it is the only way one can progress. 'Yet always close', is the line I like the most. To me, it is an encouragement to pursue your dream, regardless of how 'forever far' away it may seem.
In terms of techique however, I think the poem needs some revisiting. To present these ideas in a much more flowing, and aesthetic way, you should really think about sprinkling this poem with punctuation; commas to allow the reader to breathe and absorb what is is that he's reading. I would also suggest that you layer these ideas with more literary techniques, such as metaphors and similies.
Professor of Poetics -Although 'Poetics' is a lot more original than 'Poetry', I still think that poetry is a much nicer word to use.
he is just a memory now-
part of a cruel dream
forever far
yet always close I find this a very effective and strong opening- You incite the reader to want to find out about this 'cruel dream' very well
he would lecture
about the clumsiness
of clichés:
“Grey leaden sky
is meaningless,” he would say
he would talk
of how poems were like candy:
so sweet sounding
in our mouths
he would also scare away
young poets
by dissecting their lines
like a mad surgeon
his plain pencil
a scalpel
most of his surgeries
unwanted As tecktak has said, I do think that this well written line will carry a lot more weight if it were punctuated. Knowing when to stop, knowing how quickly a word should be read, is in my opinion vital for a goodman poem.
he never made steel
like my father
he never waited a table
like my mother Are these chores deemed more honorable then teaching? The meaning is slightly obscure here I think
but he influenced me .
he taught me
and prolonged my dream of poetics:
a cruel dream
forever far
yet always close I very much like this closing line.
In terms of what you are trying to say, I thouroughly appreciate this poem. You seem to be discussing the early stages of writing poetry, and how crushing yet yelpful it is to have a experienced person to criticise your work, for it is the only way one can progress. 'Yet always close', is the line I like the most. To me, it is an encouragement to pursue your dream, regardless of how 'forever far' away it may seem.
In terms of techique however, I think the poem needs some revisiting. To present these ideas in a much more flowing, and aesthetic way, you should really think about sprinkling this poem with punctuation; commas to allow the reader to breathe and absorb what is is that he's reading. I would also suggest that you layer these ideas with more literary techniques, such as metaphors and similies.