We're All Born Knowing All (edit)

[Richard]

Hey makeshift,
You use some interesting images in your poem. However, I'm not too sure on what your overall message is here. I'll explain more below:

I


Dogs go to heaven, -Whether intentional or not, this made me think of the movie, "All Dogs Go to Heaven." I would try to reword this line because I don't think that is an allusion you want associated with your poem.
the preacher must’ve forgot
when he told you otherwise.


The words burn -Why would the preacher claiming that dogs don't go to heaven make words burn? Are you talking about the preacher's words or someone else's? I feel this line needs to be explained more.


a year later
when a boy misses the bus stop
but catches a noose. -I like this image because it creates an interesting mental picture. However, what does this have to do with the dogs or the preacher?


Did the clergyman not recognize
the napalm in his breath -I like this metaphor. I feel like you could write an entire poem expanding this metaphor.
when he laid his voice on you—
your own hands can only bring you hell. -The meaning of this line is a bit unclear. What does it have to do with the dogs?


The world burns -Is this because the words burned earlier in the poem? I feel like you need to explain this connection more.


before it is the world
and after. -This makes the burning sound meaningless. Was this your intention with this line?


II


Ten thousand years preceding
the original poodle
man steps out of the light
and into his head, 
shutting the blinds. -Is this referring to closing his eyes because the eyes are the windows to the soul?


He didn’t recognize God’s face -Where was he seeing God's face? In heaven?
in the plateau he pummeled
into jagged nothin’-What is "jagged nothin'"? I feel like this image needs to be explained more.
calling that carcass, first temple.
                                  
Every moment is a revelation
to a mutt eating biscuits. -I like this last two lines. I get the impression that you are trying to say something about the communion wafers Christians consume during a church service. However, I have no idea how this relates to the world/words burning or the dogs...

I think you have a nice first draft here. My biggest suggestion would be to ask yourself what message you are to trying to convey in this poem. I had a hard time figuring out your main idea, so you need to expand on some your images to make your overall message clearer.

Keep writing,
Richard