mother

[billy]

hi vag, just comments on the edit as i think it's the one that can be best edited.

in general i'd suggest omitting unnecessary words and using if needed punctuation instead;

measured, every element
down to your iron core

you say it's plain and preach, it seems plain but you have too many inverted lines for it to be plain enough. convoluted syntax;
for to despoil you of your limbs stops it from being plain, plain can be a good thing if it's plain. subtle is often overrated. get clear and plain and the subtle will arrive in it's own good time. if it seems preachy to you; where and how is that so. good to see you editing.

ps, no need to use line spaces unless they're needed.

we measured every element

down to your iron core we scanned

but who you are is long forgotten

secret gardens reaped and rotten.



deprived you of your mystic name

invent a god who´s far away

for to despoil you of your limbs

“make earth subject” as bible prints



but we´re your children,

you´re our ground

we ache cause we do

share your wounds.

here we go, it´s plain and preachy again. if i only knew how to make it more subtle.