05-11-2017, 04:52 AM
I just went to write "hi vag"... then changed my mind...
So, vagabond -- there are quite a few things I like about this poem, especially the lead/cold partnership which enhances the misery in the final lines. The play on heart is clever, and for me it's the last lines that make the poem.
I don't completely understand the first line -- I don't have any frame of reference for the action itself, the reason for pouring the lead. But then, if I hadn't spent time in the UK I'd have missed the "new year's bells" reference too, since we don't have "the bells" in Australia (and it's certainly not cold either), so maybe it's another cultural reference I'm missing. Happy to be enlightened, if so.
One thing that doesn't do the poem any favours, in my opinion, is the rhyme. It's inconsistent and doesn't really follow meter, so it feels forced. The 3rd couplet does have a rough "Night Before Christmas" feel to the rhythm but it's not perfect. It could be, though. Either/or.
So, vagabond -- there are quite a few things I like about this poem, especially the lead/cold partnership which enhances the misery in the final lines. The play on heart is clever, and for me it's the last lines that make the poem.
I don't completely understand the first line -- I don't have any frame of reference for the action itself, the reason for pouring the lead. But then, if I hadn't spent time in the UK I'd have missed the "new year's bells" reference too, since we don't have "the bells" in Australia (and it's certainly not cold either), so maybe it's another cultural reference I'm missing. Happy to be enlightened, if so.
One thing that doesn't do the poem any favours, in my opinion, is the rhyme. It's inconsistent and doesn't really follow meter, so it feels forced. The 3rd couplet does have a rough "Night Before Christmas" feel to the rhythm but it's not perfect. It could be, though. Either/or.
It could be worse