Still time...edit 1.1 ella,burr,nibb, ella again...

[tectak]

mind food in beautiful form. as i like it.
the following are parts parts where i stumbled, sorry in advance for the butchering.. citation is not my thing

We look to see each paradox                 exactly what paradox are you seeing here?
 if you are refering to quantum fluctuation then i would write somethig like:

we strive to see this paradox
that smoothly slides past open eyes,
while moving dot by quantum dot within perceived, jumbled thoughts. 

 i think the rythm is better if you erase "our" in front of perceived.


Strange, then, that when we blink, the change                    there is no comma between strange and then or after blink
is someone gone
or war is won
or love is lost. 
... change in the blink of an eye?  parallel possibilities that we can´t observe? ... ah no,  decisions!  
                             

We dream in each entangled plane, 
a time where unwrit future grows;       
    
but not until the pieces move in to the place that we call now. ---------  a suggestion instead of that:
but not until  through all the past we transformed  into now.

Strange, then, that when we wake we failed
to hold the moon
or count the stars
or drink the sea.

and so, just now, the future is nearly set, bye bye infinity, so close but forever out of grasp. maddening how you rip that out of theoretical physics.

We  come to death, our past has gone,     
its parts are fixed anew in space.
We stumble through fresh formed terrain which flashes briefly in to view.
Strange, then, that when we die we hope
to meet old friends,
rekindle love,
and yet be free.                          not strange.. at least not the contents of our hopes. we are based on our past. all our longing (or maybe most of it) has a reference to something we experienced or desired.  
we would only be free from that if the past were erased, but as long as time travel is not invented that is impossible.  
but the fact that we hope for anything is strange indeed. maybe because  of fear. or faith. or some black box in our minds we haven´t been able to observe yet

tectak 2017

Hi vaga,
 as I oftimes say I eat all crit. You make some keen points and I will add them to the consensus. I take time to respond to crit because it sometimes helps me see what I don't see. In order, then. (note the comma. It is not there as a divide...but as a pause, a valid use.)

What is the paradox, you ask. A bit quick off the mark, I haven't told you yet . OK. it is the paradoxically smooth transition of our perception from one frame of visual information to the next. Why the paradox? Because if it WERE smooth it would be sliding past us...nothing still as per title... and we would see everything blurred...yet it IS sliding past but quantum dot by quantum dot. Ahem....that's about it. Ever wished you'd never asked?

Next. It's intonation. "is moving dot by quantum dot within our PURR-cieved, jumbled thoughts. You still have a point. I may reconfigure.
  
Next. The damn commas. It is messy. I want to say "Strange, then (that when we blink), the change is someone gone..." Maybe I SHOULD say it like that. Here is an example from another source "The emasculated society of Europe serves, then, as a warning to conservatives, and reinforces their belief that America must reverse the trend of modern politics....."   A dilemma. See who else jumps in...someone did and asked (comma-less) what does blink the change mean? You just cannot win.


Next. The "but not until through all the past we transformed in to now." Big no-no to that one. I am not a transformationalist...I am trying to state the peculiarity and perversity of time as a moving moment. It is the "moving" that is of significance. If NOTHING moves, time stands still. Ipso facto time is movement. Time is CREATED by the re-arrangement of ALL matter (and I mean ALL) in to another place in space. We translate (or percieve) this as the passage of time. It is no such thing. It is the relocation of matter. That is why we cannot travel in time in either direction. The buildiing blocks of the past have moved in to another place...we call it our present...the future does not exist until the pieces move and relocate...don't get me started


Next. Your final point is well made and though a philosophical end, is  an end indeed.

Expect changes and credit.
Many thanks.
tectak

---

We look to see See something? Since I want to see, I move on to the next line. I think moving "each paradox" up to L1 would be interesting, too. I think you moved it because it may have been a predictable flow if you cut it "...each paradox//that slides across..." So this break works.
each paradox, that slides across wide open eyes, What's going on with all the commas?
is moving dot by quantum dot within our perceived thoughts. What made you decide to extend this line so far? Another choice you have probably already considered is breaking this line at "within", but your feelings about flow are yours. The way this whole line flows is interesting as it stands alone, so I still like it. I like the consonance between the "dot"s and "thoughts". 
Strange, then, that when we blink the change What does it mean to "blink the change"? The way this is phrased feels awkward, especially moving into these next few lines. They're good lines, but I can't decide if you intended to make them sound like questions as well as statements simultaneously.
is someone gone
or war is won
or love is lost. Moving from the long line to these short ones, I like the breaks between these thoughts. The pauses give us time to reflect on each one.

We dream in each This line break feels awkward to me. Although, it's deliberate, so I may have to think about it.
entangled plane, a time where unwrit future lies, but not 
until the pieces move, align and hold for what we see as now. Here is how I would have broken it (not that your choices are wrong, but when people critique me I enjoy seeing the "writing process" from their point of view):

"We dream in each untangled plane, a time
where unwrit future lies,
but not until the pieces move, align and hold
for what we see as now."

It's interesting how different line-breaks bring different perceptions to life. Like I said, I'm not trying to correct you. I just like exploring various options.
Strange, then, that when we dream we fail
I really like this line. The break ties two independent thoughts together, so they're simultaneously one and two thoughts.
to hold the moon
or count the stars
or drink the sea. Again, I like the pauses.

We  come to death,
our past has gone and all it's parts are fixed anew in space. 
We stumble through fresh formed terrain which flashes in to view. Is the terrain the thing that is viewing, or did you mean "into view"?
Strange, then, that when we die we hope
to meet old friends,
rekindle love,
and yet be free.
There are so many provocative ways of thinking presented in your piece, and it's consistent flow helps us to understand why you chose your line breaks. It begins as an unpredictable poem, but maybe you can give your audience the benefit of the doubt by challenging them to understand your flow while exploring different line-breaks. 

The paradox theme is intriguing. I especially like your ending because it brings to mind something I haven't considered-- trying to escape the pain of this life only to re-encounter it in the next (that's the idea I got). Why should we try so hard to escape something just to strive to find it again?
tectak 2017