05-10-2017, 05:57 AM
whole lot of question marks for me here, so feel free to ignore the comments if you meant to say something entirely different.
[quote="RiverNotch" pid='221555' dateline='1481171173']
Fetish
The colors will not welcome me. i would rather say the subject welcomes or does not wellcome colours.. except red, wouldn´t that be so... damn denial.
Again, I am detached why "again". if anything, "in between childhood and adulthood"
from the blue charms of childhood
and the yellow idols of adulthood.
Red: who loves it? too hot for the pure, i think the word "loves" is not what you meant to say here.
too much for the combination.
red: who could ever get used to it? too hot, too pure
impossible to combine with anything
An obscenity -- the sunrise and the sunset
prefer the following hour, the distant memory.
The dead welcome me. Through cloud, through
cloud -- I can hear them. Can't you? the dead do not welcome. if clouds are a metaphor for grey this seems enough for me to deliver the feeling of depression
How did you grow up to lose your toys, is "you" the lost lover or are "you" the adults in general? if the latter i think a perspective of self-reflection would fit better. no one stays a child forever
to dye your hair and shed your voice?
(If the grown can grow anymore
than fat and numb) ----- i think those two lines serve no purpose. besides, there´s no pride in simply gaining height as well..
All it should take
to reach them is a step or two, a step
or two towards you, my love, my distant memory i don´t think you´re refering to the dead anymore with "them". maybe you talk about the adults? maybe its the same for the poems subject.. anyhow, i think if " them" are to blame for the lost love i do not see the connection clear enough.
[quote="RiverNotch" pid='221555' dateline='1481171173']
Fetish
The colors will not welcome me. i would rather say the subject welcomes or does not wellcome colours.. except red, wouldn´t that be so... damn denial.
Again, I am detached why "again". if anything, "in between childhood and adulthood"
from the blue charms of childhood
and the yellow idols of adulthood.
Red: who loves it? too hot for the pure, i think the word "loves" is not what you meant to say here.
too much for the combination.
red: who could ever get used to it? too hot, too pure
impossible to combine with anything
An obscenity -- the sunrise and the sunset
prefer the following hour, the distant memory.
The dead welcome me. Through cloud, through
cloud -- I can hear them. Can't you? the dead do not welcome. if clouds are a metaphor for grey this seems enough for me to deliver the feeling of depression
How did you grow up to lose your toys, is "you" the lost lover or are "you" the adults in general? if the latter i think a perspective of self-reflection would fit better. no one stays a child forever
to dye your hair and shed your voice?
(If the grown can grow anymore
than fat and numb) ----- i think those two lines serve no purpose. besides, there´s no pride in simply gaining height as well..
All it should take
to reach them is a step or two, a step
or two towards you, my love, my distant memory i don´t think you´re refering to the dead anymore with "them". maybe you talk about the adults? maybe its the same for the poems subject.. anyhow, i think if " them" are to blame for the lost love i do not see the connection clear enough.