Second Edit: Defeat/Disenfranchised

[ellajam]

Hi, Richard, ouch, a biting piece. I continue to flounder a bit in second strophe, I know it's all there but for me punctuation would be a big help. Some notes:

Defeat

poetry has lost its right to vote
or perhaps it never could Strong opening, past doubt to condemnation.
and reality is just catching up
like wages for women Very, very slowly I guess.

the ballot was a blank page
the lines erupting a possible revolution I keep wanting a word between "erupting" and "a".
or the white
was white
nothing else I like the emptyness of these three lines.
the whole process an abuse of an authority
that never existed hmm, an interesting conundrum.
meaning the poet should throw herself
under the king's horse now
so culpability
can be passed like a napkin
someone politely asks
to be put in the trash The force of her throwing herself seems at odds with the effortlessness of passing a napkin.
while you change the channel
like the post
click on the video
and laugh

you
who think you are as blameless
as you are anonymous Strong, cutting, beautiful close.

So, strong piece but I wish you'd help me a little more. Good luck with it.