cherished

[nibbed]

Hi nibs,
bit of an unhappy-clappy congregational outpouring. You have not established either ethos...poetic or purpose. No rhythm, no rhyme, no subtle metaphorical clarifications...unless you think the hamburger/piranha scenario is fitting the bill....no assonance, no sensible punctuation, random capitalising, strange and purposeless enjambments/line lengths. As a personal genre this may be just you but I am the reader. If I said there must be a better way to write this piece you are entitled to say there must be a better way to read it. I will try.
Best,
tectak

Hi tectak

I will sincerely consider your suggestions. I used the word hamburger thinking only of the fate of the cow being slaughtered, ground up and ultimately fed to the vicious fury of hungry ones who are led only by instinct. Of course as the reader, you could not know where the mind of this author is.  I will need to reconcile why you thought capitalization was random, but I often overlook things and find myself often challenged with proper grammar.  Thank you kindly for your wonderful and extensive critique. I hope your day is filled with joy and happiness.  Janine

Regarding the hamburger. I now have less idea of what you are trying to say after your explanation than I did before you er...clarified your thinking Regarding the capitals. For some reason you end on commas and semicolons(flooding tides, He who...tank; You) and so this may be a grammar issue. Only if the punctuation is deemed to be a justified period (which includes question and exclamation marks) should you begin next paraphrase/sentence with a capital letter. Neither a semi or a full colon require a following capital letter.
Best,
tectak

Thank you kindly!
That was very helpful to me

janine